the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
