Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
