So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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