This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
