So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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