just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
