He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
are you so shy because you have an std?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
