I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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