he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
