Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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