No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
