who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
