I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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