I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
