Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
