Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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