I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
