does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
only if we run a train.
done.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
