i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
