smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
