someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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