So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
