put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
