Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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