is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
