Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
