Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
