I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
