I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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