I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
