i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
