yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
