**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
