Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
