I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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