he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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