I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
