I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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