Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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