Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
