New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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