tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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