I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
