she sounds like chewbacca in bed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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