Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
