Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
