I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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