So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
