I puked a lego.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
