You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
